


Everything I Know About Prom I Learned From Saved By the Bell

by makesomelove



Series: Big Gay Prom [1]
Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, High School, M/M, Prom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-02
Updated: 2007-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:52:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesomelove/pseuds/makesomelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and Patrick go to prom together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything I Know About Prom I Learned From Saved By the Bell

One day Patrick was in health class learning about _The Facts of Life_. Not like puberty and where babies come from, but the TV show. Mr. Bryar was crazy like that. Patrick actually lived with Mr. Bryar instead of his parents. It was like when Shawn lived with his teacher Mr. Turner on _Boy Meets World_ only weirder because Patrick wanted to bone Mr. Bryar like, all the time. Mr. Bryar was really hot and he rode a motorcycle and Patrick was 17 years old, so he figured this desire was understandable if not acceptable.

"Jo was a lesbian!" Pete called out from the seat in front of Patrick.

"We all know that, Mr. Wentz. That's common sense. What I'm asking you is, was Mrs. Garrett a lesbian?"

Pete started to answer, but Patrick stopped paying attention because a piece of paper suddenly hit him in the face. It was origami'd into a beautiful swan. He carefully unfolded it and read:

 **I LOVE YOUR ASS. PROM? - A. SUAREZ**

Patrick was confused but flattered. He wrote back, "Sure. - P. Stumph" and passed it back one seat to Alex.

It was about that time Patrick started to wonder how it was that Alex hit him in the face with his note when he was sitting in the seat behind him. Patrick got his answer two seconds later when Gabe, who was sitting one row over and three seats ahead, twisted all the way around in his desk like the top half of his body was Linda Blair's head in _The Exorcist_ and whispered unstealthily to Alex,

"Did he say yes? Yeah? See, I told you he'd say yes if you just asked!"

Patrick was no contortionist, so he only turned halfway around in his chair to look at Alex. His face was so red it looked like he'd just spread butter on it and lay on top of a mirror in the sun for eight hours, but he was smiling a little bit.

"So you don't really want to go?" Patrick asked. He felt sad in his heart.

"No! I mean, no, I don't not want to go. I do want to go. With you." Alex sat up straight and then slid back down in his seat. Patrick no longer felt sad in his heart. He felt the opposite of sad. He felt... unsad.

"Oh, good! Okay. That's cool. Uh, pick me up at 7?"

Alex sat up straight again. "Sure, of course. At Bryar's place, right?"

"Yeah, down the road a piece."

"See you then," Alex said, ducking and waving.

Patrick turned back around. They still had 23 minutes of class left and Patrick was pretty sure he'd see Alex at least twice more before the day was over, but life was good. Mr. Bryar and Pete were engaged in a fiery discussion about George Clooney's lesbianism, and Patrick had a hot gay date for prom.

Oh, God.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Patrick opened the door at 6:17pm and Pete greeted him with,

"Oh my God, who did this to you?"

"I did it to myself!" Patrick thought he looked very nice and respectable.

"And you didn't stop him?" Pete directed this question at Bob. He'd told them not to call him Mr. Bryar outside of school because it made him feel dirty.

"I tried," Bob said, biting into a sandwich. Patrick still wanted to do him pretty badly, but not as badly as before Alex asked him to prom. Now he kind of wanted to do Alex way more.

"Yeah, I'm sure, like Willy Wonka tried to stop Violet from eating that gum that turned her into a blueberry."

"Do I look like a blueberry?" Patrick asked, horrified.

"No, you look like an accountant. Like if Buddy Holly was an accountant in the '70s and he had a lovechild with Mikey Way. Come on, let me see if I can fix it."

Pete couldn't fix it, so he made Patrick put a hat on. Patrick was perfectly fine with that.

"So who are you going with again?" Patrick asked. They were hanging out in Patrick's room until Alex got there. Patrick was pretty nervous and it was nice to have Pete there to help him to not embarrass himself. It was highly likely Pete would embarrass him, though, but Patrick figured that was better since everyone already ignored or at least tolerated Pete's obnoxious ways.

"Ryan Ross," Pete said, nodding and grinning.

"Oh my God, are you serious? He's a freshman! He doesn't even have pubes yet."

"Shut up, yes he does!"

"How do you know?"

"I don't." Pete paused and shot a finger gun at him. "Yet."

Patrick put his head in his hands and sighed. "You're a complete and total pedophile and I'm sorry to know you."

"Whatever, at least I'm not Mr. Bryar's catamite."

"I am not! Where did you even learn that word, from your NAMBLA pamphlets?"

Pete started to say something, but there was a knock at the front door. Both he and Patrick stood up and then proceeded to not move anywhere. Pete started fussing with Patrick's tie and hat and jacket and sleeves and glasses until Patrick had to shove him off.

"Okay, you look beautiful. Go get him, tiger."

"Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up," Patrick said, and then he went into the living room and Alex was already inside, standing awkwardly next to Bob. He was wearing a normal black suit and aviator shades. Patrick wanted to do him so hard. He also looked vaguely suicidal with nerves, so that made Patrick feel better.

"Please don't throw up," Alex said. "I got you a corsage and I don't want it to get soggy with vomit." He took the corsage out of its clear plastic box. Patrick knew nothing about flowers, so he had no idea what it was other than red and flowery. Alex moved closer.

"Here, let me--" He touched Patrick's hat and Patrick almost had an aneurysm at the thought of him seeing what was underneath, but he just pinned the corsage to the brim of it and stepped back, smiling.

"Awww!" Pete had his hands clasped to his chest in a motherly fashion. "That's so adorable, _I'm_ going to throw up! Okay, you kids go, have fun, leave room for Jesus, use a condom, you know."

"Be home by midnight or I'll flunk you," Bob said.

"Hey, let's go before I kill myself," Patrick said. Alex opened the door and waved Patrick through it before following.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The school's gym looked like a million giant Christmas trees sneezed tinsel all over it. Patrick thought the decorating committee had maybe overdone it a little until he remembered who was head of the decorating committee, and then he marveled at the restraint shown and also at the complete absence of glitter.

"Hi Patrick! Hi Alex!" Brendon jumped up and down and waved at them even though he was standing right in front of them. "Hi! Welcome to prom! Do you like it? Isn't it pretty?"

"It's very shiny, Brendon," Patrick said.

"You did a great job," Alex added.

"Thank you! Please, go on in and mingle and carouse and jig merrily. I hope you guys like the band, they're pretty cool. I forget their name, it's like, The Fall Out Boys or something? Hi Gabe! Hi Vicky!" Brendon bounced over to the door, where Gabe and Vicky T. (not to be confused with Vicky B. or Vicky Z.) had just walked in, leaving Patrick and Alex alone again.

The band was, indeed, pretty cool. The singer, who seemed familiar for some reason, was telling Patrick to dance! dance! Patrick remembered suddenly that he can't dance at all. He gazed admiringly at the center of the floor, where Spencer Smith was currently wowing everyone with his mad breakdancing skills. He really wished he could breakdance right about now.

Patrick turned to ask Alex if he knew how to breakdance, but he was gone. Patrick suddenly wanted to die. His date had abandoned him at prom and he was going to die from humiliation and heartbreak and thirst.

"Hey, I got us some punch," Alex said, handing Patrick a clear plastic cup of red punch. "Matches your corsage."

"Oh! Of course. Thanks, now I won't die from thirst."

"I'm pleased. Pleased as punch." Alex paused to let that beautiful pun sink in and then said, "Hey, look, photo thing."

Patrick looked to where Alex was pointing. There was a wooden trellis with a retarded amount of balloons and tinsel and streamers tied to it. A camera manned by Tom Conrad stood facing it.

"Let's get our picture taken!" Alex said. Patrick would rather swim in shark-infested waters than get his picture taken. Then Alex put an arm around his shoulders and led him over and Patrick wanted nothing more than to get his picture taken.

The photo area was like standing in a silvery car wash.

"I don't think you'll be able to like, see us in the picture," Patrick said.

"Sure you will," Alex said. "We look so sharp we'll cut through all this shiniess." Alex was fond of puns apparently, but Patrick was too flattered by the compliment to be disgusted.

Alex stood behind Patrick and wrapped his arms around his waist. Patrick let all the glee in his soul show on his face in that moment and regretted it immediately after he saw the picture.

"I think we look precious," Alex said. "Say, you wanna dance?"

"Well, I mean, you know." Patrick weighed the options using his hands, even though no options had been presented.

"It's just, this is a dance and this music is pretty dance-y. The spirit might overtake me and I might have to bring you along. I really like to dance."

"I know." Patrick did know. He always saw Alex dancing around with Gabe and their friend Ryland in the parking lot. Sometimes there wasn't even any music. "Sure, we can dance."

Alex took his hand and led him out onto the floor. Patrick had never danced so shamelessly in his life. They flailed their arms and jumped a lot, they tried to tango but failed, they did little kicks, Molly Ringwald style. And most of all, they shimmied. Shimmying was apparently Alex's dance move of choice, and Patrick liked to shimmy with him. They shimmied at each other for at least eight songs, until the final song of the night came on. It was "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper.

"God, how prom is this?" Alex said. His face and hair was sweaty, and Patrick imagined all the shimmying gave him a strong upper body.

"So prom. Almost too prom to be believed." Patrick looked around. He saw Pete and Ryan making out in the fold-up chairs by the punch tables. Gabe and Vicky T. were slowdancing, alongside Jon and Spencer and William and Travis and a bunch of other couples. Brendon had even gotten Zack to let him stand on his toes while they danced. Patrick never realized how almost everyone at his school was a big homo until that moment.

Patrick wanted to slowdance with his hot gay date, too. "Still wanna dance?" He asked, taking Alex by the hand.

"Time after time," Alex said, looping his arms around Patrick's neck and kissing him on the cheek.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Alex had Patrick home promptly at 11:56pm.

"So, thank you for accompanying me," Alex said. He seemed to be unable to unlatch his hand from Patrick's at this point.

"Of course, any time. Excellent prom, would go to again." Patrick decided he wanted to kiss Alex on the mouth and got the urge to throw up again. The barf would be all red and liquidy, too, like that time he spewed Squeeze-It all over his mom's olive green swivel chair from the '70s. Patrick didn't like red liquidy barf, so he kissed Alex before it had a chance to come up.

So Patrick kissed him and Alex grinned and Patrick grinned and it was a deeply joyous moment until Bob opened the door and ruined it.

"It's 12:02. Get inside or you won't graduate this year."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Alex said.

"Oh, for sure," Patrick said, squeezing Alex's hand one more time and finally letting go. "Good night."

"Good night." Patrick watched Alex walk down the hall towards the elevator. Alex jumped in the air and clicked his heels and everything. Patrick almost fainted from his burning desire to do him.

Best hot gay prom date ever.

 

~*~THE END~*~

 

Epilogue:

 

"Hi, I'm Michael Guy Chislett."

"I realize that, thank you," Guy said. Chislett and he had decided to meet up at prom. Guy couldn't even remember why he'd asked him to go with him in the first place. He figured it was because they were both foreign exchange students and that they should stick together. Guy wanted to punch Chislett a lot of the time, though. He was always reminding everyone of his name, plus he was from Australia. But there was something between them. Something like raging sexual tension.

"You're friends with William Beckett, aren't you?" Guy asked. He had always admired William from afar. He'd really wanted to go with William, but he was already taken.

"Yes," Chislett said.

"Could you introduce me later?"

"Okay."

Guy wanted to punch Chislett so much.

"I like your jacket," Chislett said.

"Oh, thank you," Guy said. Now he wanted to have sex with Chislett in his car. This whole love-hate thing was becoming exhausting.

"That Ryland fellow sure is attractive, isn't he?" Guy asked, gesturing to where Gerard was yelling at everyone to take their shirts off. Ryland took his shirt off, but then put it back on almost immediately.

"Yeah, he is," Chislett said.

Guy looked at him and sighed. "Come on. What say you and I go have sex in your car?"

"Okay," Chislett said.

~FIN~

**Author's Note:**

> Big gay prom, directly inspired by [this photo](http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g108/onthebed/promhct.jpg).


End file.
